By Marianne Sarcich, told to Kara Mayer Robinson
It can be difficult for someone who has never had early-stage HER2-positive breast cancer to truly understand what it is like to have it.
With HER2-positive breast cancer, you can have a lot of physical and emotional side effects. Your treatment may last longer than people think. The emotional burden can last a long time.
Through my advocacy and personal experience – I have stage I breast cancer – I have seen how important it is to communicate with your loved ones to help them understand what you are going through and what you have need.
Help others understand your treatment
You may need to explain your treatment to close friends and family.
Most people are familiar with breast surgery, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy. But they may not know about targeted therapy. You may need to explain that your targeted therapy can last up to 2 years. You can take medication for 5-10 years. Even if your chemotherapy is over, it’s normal for side effects to show up years later.
When you share what your treatment entails, others will better understand your experience.
Helping Others Understand Your Emotions
You may experience a lot of ups and downs during and after the treatment.
A diagnosis of breast cancer can make you feel isolated. Suddenly there is this gap between you and the rest of your world. The time between diagnosis and treatment and beyond can be a whirlwind.
The only way others will understand what’s going on and what you really need is for you to tell them. It’s okay if it doesn’t come out perfectly. Emotions can be messy. Sharing also means you face how you feel, and that’s good for you.
Be gentle with yourself. Meet where you are. Share what you can, when you can, however you can.
Ask for help
Remember that people often want to help. They may want to do something, but they just don’t know what to do. They may feel helpless. Giving them something to do is a step in the right direction.
Be specific. Tell others exactly what you need, whether it’s help with dinner, a ride to a doctor’s appointment, or a shoulder to lean on.
If that seems like too much to call and ask for help, start with a simple text or email.
Sharing updates
You control who you say it to, when you say it, and what you say. There’s no wrong way to do this. Do what is comfortable for you.
Social media is a great way to keep in touch with friends and loved ones. Consider creating a private Facebook group where you share your breast cancer story with your friends and, if desired, your community. This way you can post something once instead of sending individual messages to different people. This is especially helpful when recovering from surgery or chemotherapy.
It’s also good for a practical reason: asking for help. “Can someone help me pick up my daughter from school? Who can drive me to my appointment? »
Talk to close friends and family
Your friends and family can be an incredible source of support. But they may not know what to say or what to do. Set the tone and guide them.
Tell them they don’t have to know what to say or what to do. Sometimes you just need quiet company or someone you can rely on.
Explain that sometimes you need a mini-vacation because of breast cancer. Tell them when you’d like to hear about their kids or their job instead of talking about cancer. Tell your friends and family when you can laugh.
Tell them it’s okay if they don’t know what to do. You might not know that either.
But if there are things you don’t like, tell them. For example, if you don’t like them using things like warrior metaphors and fighting language, tell them that’s not for you.
Talk to your spouse or partner
Keep the lines of communication open with your partner early on. Find out how you communicate most comfortably. Maybe it’s on the couch after dinner or in bed in the morning. Record regularly when you feel most comfortable. Share your feelings. Admit it’s hard, but you’re in the same boat.
Talk to your child
What to share depends on your child’s age and ability to handle information about breast cancer. Meet your child where they are.
Tell your child that he can come and ask you questions. Share answers suitable for them. It can be helpful to share upcoming treatments so they know what to expect.
If your child is older, sit down and share. It’s okay if you’re feeling emotional. Be clear that they can ask you anything and you will try to answer honestly.
Talk to colleagues and acquaintances
If you choose to tell your co-workers, talk to your manager and the Human Resources department before processing so they understand your needs. Share your choices. Do you want to undergo treatment or take time off? Do you want to announce your diagnosis to everyone or to a privileged few?
With colleagues and other acquaintances, choose your limits. Then, communicate those boundaries and stick to them. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’d like your support and I’ll let you know what I need” or “I need some time to process this and I’d rather you didn’t send any SMS, calls or emails at the moment. »
explain survival
People may think that once the treatment is over, you just need some time to recover physically and you’re good to go.
But survival can have many ups and downs. Suddenly, all of these can hit you at the same time. You may be worried that your cancer will come back. You learn your frustrations and your triumphs.
As you navigate your new normal, share the experience with your network. This helps them understand where you are and where you are headed. Share your stories and show them it’s not over. It’s a new chapter.